Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
