Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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