I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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