i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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