apparently the secret to your success is patron
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
