WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
