the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
