My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
