No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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