Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
