make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My pussy is not your playground.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
