I could make wine with my vomit
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
