i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it penis luge time yet?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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