It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
