Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
