Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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