i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
