im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
