Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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