so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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