Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
