What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
