I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize