Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
