Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
