He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
