what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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