How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
