I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
