i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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