I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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