I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Are we still banned from the library?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
