I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize