I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
