Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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