New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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