Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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