you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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