"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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