I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
