drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
