nut hugger
My nipple is on Facebook.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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