Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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