I look better un-naked...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
