We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
