you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
