Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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