I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
