Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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