bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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