i will never coherently bang her
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
