"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize