I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
