If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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