i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
