Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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