franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
