four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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