my room smells like sperm. sweet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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