So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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