He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
