Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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