so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
