shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
