we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize