Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
