im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
