Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
