What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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