i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
