I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
