Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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