Cold hands, warm shart.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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