i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
