she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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