farters have to be the big spoon...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
