He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the condom got lost in my hair
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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