He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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