I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
