Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
