May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize